Instead of using twitter as an outlet for anger and getting yourself blocked by micro-influencers, try to use the gym as a release for all that pent up rage. It may be the cliche New Year's resolution but hey, at least your screen-time will go down. Try to focus the new year on finding ways to manage your emotions in a way that benefits you, meditate and don’t act on impulse. PS Comparing yourself to Patrick Bateman does not make you seem cool and mysterious, go to therapy.
Start. That. Project. You’ve been waiting for the right moment to pursue what you want but in reality it’s just an excuse for more procrastination. It’s tempting to stay in and hibernate during these cold months but it’s about time you got up and did something of value to you. The only person you are not benefiting is yourself. Exams are over, prioritize what you want now. Work doesn’t have to be without play.
Wow. 2024 was a shit show for you. Not to say those around you haven’t contributed to it, both favorably and not. It’s ok if you don’t follow through on your new year's resolution. What matters is you tried. Maybe it doesn’t fit your schedule, maybe it’s just not your thing. Failure can only ever exist temporarily, because we learn and improve from it. Be kind to yourself, and demand others are too. Also you probably shouldn’t hit on your TA… but like, I kinda see it? Sometimes we all can use some extra credit if you know what I’m saying ;)
Grow the fuck up??? Everything is so melodramatic with you people. Let the light in and be happy for one damn year. Close Pinterest and uninstall Spotify, and go outside and experience the real world. Oversharing on TikTok is so 2024—not even—so why not use this fresh start to get some counselling (I heard it's free in Ontario, or so the legend says). There’s nothing wrong with being a night owl, but sunlight is actually good for you too. Anyways, TLDR: We don’t want to hear your unprompted trauma dumps of the same scenario. 2025 is the year for mediocre government paid therapy.
I promise that no one else is hyperfocusing on that really stupid spelling error you made on that essay worth a big chunk of your final mark. It’s #NotThatDeep… At least don't subject us to the suffrage of hearing you complain that you got a 96% instead of a 97%. Just because you repost sigma male edits on your close friends story does not mean that everyone perceives you as perfect and mysterious. You may not realize it, but you’re obnoxious AF. Humble yourself a bit and THEN call me. Until then, maybe don’t make any errors ever again and then people can recognize your alphaness.
They say that Pisces is the most delusional of signs but luckily we have Libras to cancel that theory out. But seriously though, what’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to be the sign of justice but the only justice that I see is the justification for the reasoning of your ex blocking you being a sign from the cosmic gods that they’re just “playing hard to get”. Like girlypop, the signs are right in front of you. Take a step back and get a journal, maybe pick up a new hobby? You have so much energy in your soul, give it back to the world in a more influential way instead of reciting your delusions to us (over and over and over…)
You’re a mean gay. I was feeling really confident in that outfit, and when you told me I look like a “Fat flamboyant divorced dad on vacation looking for an awkward threesome to cry into” it really hurt my feelings. I bet Chappell Roan would say you aren’t cunty. Bitch. Anyway, hope you’re slaying the day and girlbossing. Maybe try flipping over a new leaf this year and dealing with your insecurities. Maybe Elon isn’t an Alpha Male, and maybe there are some critical and nuanced complaints about Taylor Swift and the way she spends her wealth. Look out for any sudden glimpses of inner-flaws, and let your Dad in. He’s trying, and that’s more than some people get. Or tell him to go fuck himself, I’m not the boss of you. Purr.
Change your major. YOLO am I right my fellow youth? But seriously, new year new you (NYNY). You’ve already accidentally dated half of the philosophy students in your year, and the passive aggressive (and not very utilitarian) looks and comments aren’t skibidi. SMH, take care of yourself and become a cultural studies major. I hear they get to LMAO and watch porn or something for a passing grade. If that fails, you can always rizz up the Professor. I don’t know HBU, but I think you should let the new year’s wildness and mystery carry you into adventure. Certainly not an is evil guy move [editor’s note: Ian says this grammatical error is intentional and a “TikTok trend. Idk man]. Also, see how fucking obnoxious it is when you talk like some sort of Brain Rot riddled accelerant taking fiend? And what’s up with the abbreviations! We would’ve known to pick you up from the party on London Street if you didn’t type like every letter cost a day of your life. I know you’re too busy gooning to Livy Dunne and looksmaxxing to get some gyatt, but so help me god if you don’t learn how to communicate like an adult or shut the fuck up I will leap from this paper and [removed by editors for graphic violence unsuitable for print issue].
Watch them squirm. Look at them, pathetic, uneven to maintain even the simplest of routines or habits. Their “resolutions” are nothing compared to your iron will. Let that determination fuel you like a blaze. Let it seer anyone and anything that tries to stop you. Your molten hot core will burn through anything winter will throw at you. Make sure to enjoy hot chocolate and long walks this fluffy season 🙂, and if you're feeling favorable, lend a hand to some poor beleaguered souls. Not everyone can be you.
Are you finally going to do something for a change, “activist”? The world is burning. China has concentration camps for Muslims, Trump’s back, Israel exists, Trudeau is resigning. Oh yeah! Poilievre is probably going to win. Oh no! Why don’t you grow a spine? You tell us you care so much, that there is so much to affect and change. Do you really think an embarrassing Instagram post will help? It is a new year. Change for the better. Feel the power of a new dawn, a new season, a new semester. Follow through on something, and don’t let yourself get away with things. Also yeah, thank fuck that one room mate dropped out, even though they left all their rotting food in the fridge. What a dick.
glub glub. Get it? Because you're a fish? Anyway. Look at little Mx. Empath. Got your sick little battery charged from the holiday season? I bet you really enjoyed your friends and family opening their heartfelt gifts. I bet you even made most of those by hand, you little fruit. You make me sick. Careful your heart doesn’t increase three-fold and explode or something. Also, let go of your siblings' fight with your parents. Sometimes, it truly is best to stay out of it. Live life for yourself, for a change. Glub glub glub.
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A rich text element can be used with static or dynamic content. For static content, just drop it into any page and begin editing. For dynamic content, add a rich text field to any collection and then connect a rich text element to that field in the settings panel. Voila!
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