Do you feel the chill wind of the motherland calling? Can you feel the season in the air, fuelling the fire in your veins? Or maybe that’s just the coal you got. You are unstoppable. Start that argument at Christmas dinner. Get uncomfortably drunk at the office party and get called into HR. Wait up at night, waiting for Old St Nick to come down your chimney, beat the piss out of him, and take up the mantle. Only you have the outgoing personality needed to lead the elves into glory. Only you have the drive to keep up with increasingly commercialized holiday spending. Seize the reins of the reindeer. Also remember to moisturize.
Feels real good watching everyone else panic while you’ve had your gifts bought since August doesn’t it? You’ve locked in, got all your schoolwork done, and have already decorated the house. Watch the world burn. You’ll inevitably have friends knocking on your door screaming for help. Bathe in that satisfaction. Make sure to avoid inviting the aries, and enjoy yourself. You deserve it. Your broad shoulders will carry this season on your back, don’t let them strain you. Additional seasonal activities (that you haven’t already put on your list) include, baking cookies for the neighborhood, tending to your greenhouse, and sighing wistfully at couples on Pinterest.
Listen champ, stop lying about buying stuff off Temu. Just buy the Caramel Brule Latte at Starbucks. Stop asking us if we think it’s morally wrong. It’s the holidays. Morals are for the new years. Go off the walls. Get that diesel truck, smoke those camels, fuck that one professor. It’s almost 2025 baby, repercussions are so 2024. You can always fake your death. You’ll get to the gym in January, live large. Fun ideas include going home with the hipster from The Only, buying your friends too many gifts and making them uncomfortable, and finding yourself. You never know when your gender non-specific knight in shining armor may appear. Oh and uhh, you should seriously hand in those assignments. Yikes.
Dump him. You can still return their holiday gift. Is he cute and kind and wonderful? Or does he just have curly brown hair, occasionally respect you, and have a passing interest in you cumming? He’s not going to take you skiing, he’s not going to stop vaping at your family dinner, and for fuck sakes, getting drunk on spiked-eggnog and asking your room mates to sit on his lap is not friendly, it’s creepy. Spend time with your friends and family! I bet your mom misses you, and I’m sure your friends would eat peppermint ice cream and watch elf with you. Also, not a sponsor, but the Chocolate Rabbit downtown has their hot chocolate bombs with mini-marshmallows in stock, and I can assure you they’re better than the two and half-minutes of mediocre weinering.
I mean like, yeah, it is a bit rude to expect every gift to have its receipt with it. Especially when you expect people to immediately put on the $15 dollar sweater you got them. Can you please stop gaslighting? Just for the season. Are you an alpha or an asshole? Sell off some of your “investments” and get your “friends” genuine gifts. Use this holiday season to NOT focus on yourself. Stop telling everybody that Christmas just means we’re almost halfway to your birthday. Maybe watch a hallmark movie. The plot may be just as shallow as you, but maybe you’ll have a Scroogian self-recognition and improve. Also you should get into yoga. Or weed.
Take a break. You don’t have to play Santa Claus every year, let people know what YOU want for Christmas rather than planning out what to get for everyone else. That being said, if you take the advice from the stars and focus on yourself, you’ll be guaranteed to ace those exams. Use your work ethic to focus on yourself this Holiday Season, buy yourself some candy-cane candles and all the self care stuff you need and sit down at that desk and start studying.
You’re cooked. Get your shit together and actually start your gift shopping. Stop staring at that blank word document and actually type something. Manic Black Friday shopping for yourself is fun and all but it’s time to lock in and end the year as strong as you can. I recommend getting some peppermint tea and sitting yourself down and chilling the fuck out.
Get ready to receive some blessings. That thing you’ve been manifesting (excessively hinting at for other people to get for you) is on it’s way. This has been a rough year for you, but you got to try to stay on top of things. Find balance, de-stress by building a gingerbread house with some friends, the aroma is good for the soul. Read a book. Stay productive while finding time for leisure and joy. Tis the season (or whatever they say).
Go outside, touch snow (saying that for Holiday’s sake I am aware that there is no snow). Just because daylight savings has shifted doesn’t mean you have to hibernate. Set up some colourful lights and pull out that wreath you have stored in your closet. I know it’s hard to not coop yourself up but it really is a disservice not allowing yourself to be jolly. Besides, it’s not like you’re studying in there…
Have you heard of bubble baths? Stop being so busy and go buy yourself a Holiday themed bathbomb and slow down a bit. Catastrophizing about exams and worrying getting the perfect gifts for your loved ones is not helping anyone. Enjoy the holidays before they pass, spend some time mapping out your Christmas tree by placing each ornament perfectly. It will make you feel better.
We thought learning about Yuletide and the winter solstice was really cool the first time… Please stop telling us. We all love your fun, witchy self, but frankly, you’re going to have to start enjoying involuntary alone time if you don’t quit your yapping. Make like a fish and shut the fuck up. That out of the way, how ya doing? Still not over that lesbian-witch-marvel show? Fair enough. This holiday season you should finally indulge and buy that cauldron. Make 50 lbs of apple sauce, and share it with everyone. Or have a really big fridge. And remember, you are a shining paladin of twilight, and the ancient evils of the woods are growing hungry…
Funny that you think you’re so original, when you’re nothing but the poor mans pisces. We thought learning about Matcha tea and the kefir was really cool the first time… Please stop telling us. We all tolerate your “fun”, quirky self, but frankly, you’re going to have to start enjoying involuntarily alone time if you don’t quit your yapping. Make like a pitcher and go pour your efforts elsewhere. That out of the way, how ya doing? Still not over your 2014 tumblr blog? Fair enough. This holiday season you should finally indulge and buy that Yeti because you’re too hipster for a Stanley Cup. Make 50 instagram posts about it, and share it with everyone. Or have a really big fridge. And remember, you are the matte main character of Twitter, and the Lockheed-Martin hippies are getting loney…
We get it, your so kooky you silly goose.
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A rich text element can be used with static or dynamic content. For static content, just drop it into any page and begin editing. For dynamic content, add a rich text field to any collection and then connect a rich text element to that field in the settings panel. Voila!
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