Severn Court (October-August)
Theatre Trent 2023/24
Arthur News School of Fish
Graphic by Abbigale Kernya

Bowlcut: Phantom Cops Solve Crimes

Written by
Abbigale Kernya
and
and
October 29, 2024
Bowlcut: Phantom Cops Solve Crimes
Graphic by Abbigale Kernya

The October 29th General Committee saw Peterborough Police Chief, Stu Betts, head the horseshoe table with a presentation about the state of the Community-Focused Investigation Response Support Team (F.I.R.S.T.) pilot program. The Community F.I.R.S.T. Team is composed of four officers tasked specifically with investigating property crimes in Peterborough. 

Notably, Betts requested two empty chairs to accompany him at the podium. When asked why by the clerk, Betts simply replied “Have faith.”

Chief Betts began his presentation by thanking city staff for their hard work this year, and offered well wishes for the upcoming budget deliberations in November. During his presentation, Betts outlined how The Community F.I.R.S.T Team reported a 100% success rate for minor crimes this quarter. Property crimes such as shoplifting, car thefts, and the return of ‘stolen’ shopping carts were responded to by both officers on-call, and those floating the downtown in search of distress. 

Additionally, Betts told councillors that the call-to-answer rate for his officers outside of the Community F.I.R.S.T Team had seen a staggering 100% response rate—a statistic that seemed to contradict the recent community information meeting Betts held last month, which saw drastically lower answer rates and even lower success rates for major and minor crimes. 

Such statistics had not sat well with tax-paying residents fuelling the coffers of Betts and his fright of a force.

“It’s been a tireless few months, but our officers were selfless to respond to each and every call we get to protect this community. We leave no stone unturned, but it’s not all flowers and roses,” stated Betts. “We do need an increase in funding upward of seven milli—”

“That’s a load of crap!” a man from the gallery shouted, cutting Betts off. “My car has been broken into four times this month, I’ve called the cops every time but nobody shows up!” he exclaimed standing angrily in the aisle.

“Uh, point of order?” questioned Councillor Andrew Beamer.

“My mother’s ashes were in my glove box, now she’s gone!” the man said again, staring at the police chief.

“Well,” said Betts as he turned to face his constituent. “Do you believe in us?”

“What?” asked the man, agasp.

“Do you believe in the police?”

“No. I literally have zero faith in you guys. You do absolutely nothing.”

“Well there’s your answer,” shrugged Betts, as he faced back towards the horseshoe table.

The councillors, who looked obviously confused at the recent comment by Betts, inquired about the meaning behind the rather ominous remark. Councillor Leslie Parnell spoke first, asking Betts what he meant specifically by “believe” in the police, and thanked him for his brave efforts while staring directly down the barrel of Global News’ camera.

“Faith is a very powerful thing, wouldn’t you agree?” said Betts, but was reminded to speak through the chair to follow proper council protocol. 

“I’m not quite sure what you mean, Chief,” Parnell answered, and prompted councillors to return back to Bett’s unfinished presentation. 

Moving on, Betts outlined how the Safer Public Spaces approach has proven successful, with his officers providing a forcefully compassionate approach to anyone using open air illicit substances. In addition, he made a clear point to emphasize the importance of returning shopping carts back to businesses, but that such a task was “rather expensive” and he would be bringing this up during budget deliberations.

Councillor Kieth Riel questioned Chief Betts following the conclusion of his presentation on the pilot program, asking if he could speak to the multiple business owners and residents who are feeling “fed up” with the lack of response from the Community F.I.R.S.T Team.

“I guarantee you, we have answered 100% of the calls made,” Chief Betts responded. 

“But, you haven’t. This is an indisputable fact,” said Riel, staring blankly at the two empty chairs situated next to Betts, which suspiciously began to move.

“Well, just because you may not see us there, doesn’t mean we haven’t answered the calls,” Chief Betts said, who then ushered in an unknown person beside him.

To this, Councillor Dave Haacke stood in salute as Chief Betts stepped aside from the podium.

“Gentlemen, thank you for speaking today,” said Haacke, staring at an unknown, invisible entity, which prompted councillors and attendees in the gallery to whisper fanatically, with Councillors Alex Bierk and Joy Lachica rolling their chairs further away from the podium.

“These two brave officers have put their lives on the ley line to protect and serve their city. They show up, and get every job done” stated Haacke. “There is a lot of prejudice against our officers, and I don’t think that’s particularly fair. The police get a bad rap around here—it’s no wonder this city is crumbling, no one believes in the police anymore!” he continued, and nodded to a response coming from the podium that most people in the room appeared not to hear.

To this, another member of the galley walked out, while another proceeded to let out an exhausted sigh overheard from the media table.

Mayor Jeff Leal, who looked obviously distressed, angrily directed the Chief to speak frankly. 

“Well, your honour,” he began. “The Community-Focused Investigation Response Supernatural Team only works when residents put their faith in us. If they don’t believe, then they do not see us. We can’t help if there is no trust in us.”

Chief Betts then restated that his officers respond to 100% of the calls made, and if a person places a call who shows no signs of faith in law enforcement, then it appears as if no one showed up. 

“In reality, we are there, answering to our community, every hour of every day. If someone makes a call and no one “supposedly” shows up, then that is not really in our control,” he said. “We don’t police people’s faith.”

Severn Court (October-August)
Theatre Trent 2023/24
Arthur News School of Fish
Written By
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Severn Court (October-August)
Theatre Trent 2023/24
Arthur News School of Fish

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