According to internal documents from the Peterborough Police Service made available to Arthur in exchange for a sizeable envelope of student money, Police Chief Stuart Betts has made it clear to staff that he hopes the next violent crime in this city occurs in a Tim Hortons’ parking lot in order to save him the trip and time setting up press availability inconveniently far from his favourite donut shop. 

Since taking over as Chief of Peterborough Police Service, Betts has developed what some consider to be a distasteful habit of holding press conferences from the areas where violent crimes have occurred.

“Look, there are at least fifteen of these places in Peterborough,” Betts wrote to underlings in June of this year. “What are the chances there hasn’t been some kind of violent mishap at at least one of these fine establishments that would force me to call media down to read directly from a press release?”  

Most recently, Betts held a press conference on the corner of George and Simcoe Street on September 7th following a fatal stabbing of a woman and the subsequent arrest for second-degree murder of a 29-year-old man.

In the four-minute press conference, which is available on the Service’s YouTube page, Betts read almost verbatim from the news release, apparently on edge due to his being so close and yet so far from his desired crime scene. 

Arthur’s sources also revealed that when it was suggested to Betts that members of the public might not feel comfortable with cameras and unnecessary police presence in the downtown, Betts mockingly reminded them that anyone downtown is already always on camera due to the Service’s newly installed surveillance cameras.

“Nothing happens in this town without me knowing, and I’ll be damned if anyone thinks they can get away with anything anymore,” he can be heard saying on a recording anonymously left in the Arthur mailbox on an iPhone 6 with a partially shattered screen. Arthur staff worked for all of five minutes to unlock the device before successfully inputting 131269.

His initial message also included a suggestion that perhaps officers could work harder to surveil the locales immediately surrounding these cafes in order to increase the odds of officers making high-profile arrests in the areas immediately adjacent to various Tim Hortons. Betts also expressed a preference for the George Street location, stating that “it would just make life easier.”    

When met with pushback regarding this odd line of reasoning and fixation on a specific fast-food restaurant from a public relations officer within the Police Service, Betts told her to mind her own business.

“Look, if we’re going to keep hiring new people and if we expect the City to keep funding these new positions, we need to begin cutting some corners around here,” Betts went on, audibly sipping on a beverage and between large bites out of what was later confirmed to be an everything bagel with light cream cheese.

“If that means, you know, we have to find a way of saving trips to Timmies, then that’s what’s going to have to happen around here. I said I’d be making changes and I’m holding myself to account for that.”

When pushed further on how this could look should community members learn of it and how it could lead to divisive, and even misleading understandings of what the police do for the City of Peterborough, Betts was confident that they wouldn’t notice anything unusual. 

“The bottom line is people in this City love to be reminded that the Police are everywhere and most of them feel much safer with us around. I bet that after a few good press conferences outside some local Tim Hortons business will be booming and we might even be able to start responding to some of those calls we’ve been slacking on…provided they occur within a two block radius of a Timmies.”

At press time, Chief Betts was unavailable for comment. According to Police Service staff, he had his hands full “dealing with a crumb of hot intel.”

Mayor Jeff Leal, who sits on the Police Service Board but who of course has no direct oversight of its operations noted that he’s largely in favour of compromise and would love to see the Service “tighten its belt” but not literally. 

He later confirmed to Arthur on the record that his preferred order from Tim Hortons is a small coffee with milk and a plain donut.